I had an Epic Cook Off—in title case so I can intialise to ECO. It was sparked by a casual mention of a topic and it cut straight through my ego defence and I lost it; I had fight AND flight. I ended up crying in the street and it took about an hour to come down from it.
Fully ghastly. I had to have a couple of drinks and a shower to take the edge off; my top was soaked from rage and scare sweat. I loathe that I had an ECO—it's been a while since I had one. But treatment brought up a whole bunch of the sads and the topic lanced through me like one of my sperm splitting an ovum. I'm going to be better about dealing with it and am thinking of ways to meaningfully resolve it. Fucking childhood horrors. WHAM! All of a sudden you're back the fuck in it. Unwellness for no win.
I have PTSD and one of my triggers is loud and unpleasant noises. There's tree lopping happening. The noise is monstrous. I stood outside the shed and bathed in it, getting used to it, until I'd had enough then calmly got earphones and distanced myself. My tolerance for this audio shit has increased; it is not forcing me to flee. I have protection on but can still discern it but the discernment is not causing the trigger to pull. I am astounded at what I can cope with now. Past me would have fled gibbering up the street. Now me is having coffee and is about to eat some hot cross buns. Recovery progress for the win.
thewife fixed the gears so I took the BYB for a super ride. I went to a part of town I've never been to and followed a path to see where it ended; puffing lightly as the bike and I forged up a hill. The path ended at the literal edge of town, in a paddock with the freeway a short way away. I furtled back, zipping through yet more streets I have never been in before. Then I got some Pringles for the chickens. Because I love them and I love feeding them Pringles. The BYB; exercise now featuring actual fun. WFTW.
The BYB is mostly good---save for the gear chain slipping---and I've been riding it out and about my neighborhood. Today I went out farther than I've been and zipped about places I've only experienced walking or driving. It was zen; the riding, the breath, the wind and the speed. BYB is a pleasure machine. WFTW.
I'm suffering abdominal spasms. I can see my stomach ripple ... then moments later my guts ripple as well. It is eye watering. I don't think I had dairy but it's similar to that kind of discomfort. Rippling guts, inside and out, make it hard to sleep. So I'm distracting myself with a biography of Charles Manson. He was full of shit and wind, too. Yet another early morn in bloat land, population me.
BYB got fixed but has a knock and needs a tweak. So I had to ride the exercise bike. It sucked. There's been a reorg in the shed and there was a white plastic bag with Christmas lights where one of the battery operated strands was on. I kept riding as I sorted through the bag to find which strand was operated by what pack. It took 700 metres and one and a half sessions clicking switches until I found the right one. Some of the lights had snow crystal surrounds of hard pointy plastic. They dug through the bag and into my chest. It was both painful and a little weird. Come back, BYB.